"Man", a fragment

[Anton Shepelev]

Hello, all

I have translate this tiny fragment of M. Groky's /Man/ a
poem in rhythmic prose:

Permeated with the odour of decay,
enwrapped in a cloak horror,
impassive, faceless, mute
-- a severe and black mystery, --
ever standeth before Man -- Death.
Thought, however, jelously studies Her --
creative, bright-hot as the Sun,
and filled with reckless daring
and the proud consciousness of immortality.

What grammatical errors and stylistic flaws can you point out?

[Steve Hayes]

On Fri, 31 Jan 2025 13:27:26 +0300, Anton Shepelev

Post by Anton Shepelev
Hello, all
I have translate this tiny fragment of M. Groky's /Man/ a
Permeated with the odour of decay,
enwrapped in a cloak horror, ------- cloak "of" horror
impassive, faceless, mute
-- a severe and black mystery, --
ever standeth before Man -- Death.
Thought, however, jelously studies Her -- --- Jealously
creative, bright-hot as the Sun,
and filled with reckless daring
and the proud consciousness of immortality.
What grammatical errors and stylistic flaws can you point out?

[Anton Shepelev]

Post by Anton Shepelev
enwrapped in a cloak horror, ------- cloak "of" horror

Ooops, of course. That was just a typo of omission :-)

Thanks for the review, Steve.